So, the biggest event of the day was, of course, my Grandma's funeral. I really don't know how or where to begin my comment on this, but I first should mention how I really love my family and my extended family. It just sucks that I only get to see them under these circumstances.
I went into the parlor an hour before the services began to set up the picture board and take care of the legalities. My aunt and uncle had just gotten there (my grandma's sister Becky) and Reverend Kennedy was there as well. Reverend Kennedy used to walk by my old house and he would always have a treat for my dog, just to show the kind of man he is. He teaches and FLCC and my mom had a psychology course with him. I'm so glad that he once the one doing the service, he did my grandpa's too.
In times like these, when I lose a loved one, I like to examine how that person touched other peoples lives besides mine, to what degree of a loss they were to other people. I saw her three best friends approach the board her pictures were on, and a sudden wash of understanding came over me: How short life is, but how long it really feels. There are pictures on the board from when she was a baby, child, high schooler, at her wedding, at my parents' wedding, and with my grandpa in her older years. It was even really cool to see the evolution of photography, from black and white to today. My grandma had experienced and seen so much over seventy years of life. I thought of the people she met, and the friendships she created. I loved seeing her friends and thinking of how they were once at the same stage of life I'm at, and this would have only been recorded in black and white photographs! So much time passes over a course of a lifetime, I still cannot comprehend how much we grow and experience. Althought I don't think I adequately described this feeling, I think you get the idea.
During the service, Mr. Kennedy often referred to my Grandma and Grandpa together, how my Grandpa left my Grandma lonely for 6 years, yet he was still her strength. In fact, where God would usually assume the role of protecter, he replaced him with my Grandfather, which was really comforting to percieve. My grandparents' combined ashes were placed on the table directly infront of me. I loved the beauty of it: they're closer than they have ever been, fused in eternal rest.
He also discussed the role of the mother, and what they mean to all of us. This is where my mom started to tear up pretty heavily, I soon followed. She had lost the person that introduced her to the world, her friend and guide. I hate to see a person lose somebody of such importance, especially my mom. I often looked to my mom and my aunt, to try and link into what they were feeling. I found myself tearing up for everyone else, not myself. If you were there, you would understand that such a huge part of everybody's lives was now missing, that people had finally taken the step to experience the death of a sister, friend, mother, niece, and grandmother.
It took to this part of the entry to finally tear up, so I think I let it come to a natural close. Nobody will be able to replace the place in my heart reserved for my grandmother. My life has been changed and guided by her presence, and I am truly thankful for that. I am also thankful for having such great friends that will take the time to let me talk about this. Where there could be a void, I'm filling that with my love for them. If it were not for you, It would have been such a painful ordeal, but you show me that there is so much happiness in joy in my life. I have grieved and will grieve when the time is right, but life will continue the same way my grandma's did---full of love.
I love you, Grandma. Thanks for being proud of me. I will always keep you with me.
Friday, December 26, 2008
Thursday, December 25, 2008
Christmas 2008
Let's go throught the day:
Woke up and opened presents. This consisted of:
A printer
Speakers for my computer
Starbucks travel mug
book (The Soloist)
$100
Step Brothers
Fiddler on the Roof
Tazo Passion Tea
2 sweaters and a shirt from Banana Republic ( %70)
socks and underwear
Risk (funny enough)
Basically a really practical Christmas, which I liked.
The rest of the day consisted of watching Step Brothers, playing Risk, and just lounging around. Hopefully I'll be checking up on some dogs, making some easy ca$h. There really isn't a feast today, we had it yesterday and it was leftovers. My mom just doesn't want to prepare a whole Christmas dinner if only four of us are going to eat it, which is ok with me. She's been through enough the past couple weeks. Tomorrow we're kind of having a meal with my Aunt, Uncle, and cousins before my Grandma's service. I'm actually looking forward to getting that over and done with, and should be a good time for deep thought and reflection...
I hope everyone is having a great holiday, doing whatever you love to do on this day.
Adam
Woke up and opened presents. This consisted of:
A printer
Speakers for my computer
Starbucks travel mug
book (The Soloist)
$100
Step Brothers
Fiddler on the Roof
Tazo Passion Tea
2 sweaters and a shirt from Banana Republic ( %70)
socks and underwear
Risk (funny enough)
Basically a really practical Christmas, which I liked.
The rest of the day consisted of watching Step Brothers, playing Risk, and just lounging around. Hopefully I'll be checking up on some dogs, making some easy ca$h. There really isn't a feast today, we had it yesterday and it was leftovers. My mom just doesn't want to prepare a whole Christmas dinner if only four of us are going to eat it, which is ok with me. She's been through enough the past couple weeks. Tomorrow we're kind of having a meal with my Aunt, Uncle, and cousins before my Grandma's service. I'm actually looking forward to getting that over and done with, and should be a good time for deep thought and reflection...
I hope everyone is having a great holiday, doing whatever you love to do on this day.
Adam
Wednesday, December 24, 2008
Christmas Eve
It's almost here. I can't believe it. Tonight my family should be going to my neighbors for a little party, and then it's here. Does anybody else find Christmas day somewhat depressing. It's like you wait over a month and get into the spirit, then it's all over. It really would be nice if there were 12 days. My parents are wrapping our presents as I right this, and I'm not even tempted to look; I like the surprise. Of course all I want for Christmas is to get to Long Island as soon as possible and texting....and I only get one. But if I had to pick, the choice would be obvious.
Texting is actually looking possible, despite the fact that my dad is highly opposed to it. I should be getting some money from my band director for watching her dogs while shes gone, and that amount could be a down lump payment to my dad. Their whole point why they aren't getting it for me is that if they did, I would have nothing to work for or pay off, which makes sense I guess. So, if I pay for it upfront, it must count for something. They also went on about how I act like I'm entitled to everything, that I hate where I come from, and don't appreciate what they do do for me. This is untrue. I've asked for texting because, let's be real, who doesn't have it these days besides the elderly. I don't hate where I come from, I just don't want to live like my parents. And importantly, I do love what they do for me, they are only supportive of everything I do and they couldn't be happier for me. All I want it is the ability to live in 2009, taking part in what has become basic and taken for granted by everybody I know.
I applied at at least 14 places sunday, and I probably will not hear back from any of them. I'm going to call them and just be persistent. I can't be without a job this summer, I took the summer off from drum corps just so I could have one. If none of these look up, I'm going to look into some music camps, which I'd almost rather do. It just doesn't seem fair when my dad points out all the kids that live at home and go the community college that have had steady jobs for a while. Of course they do, they have all the time in the world, which is all the matters to employers. It sucks when I know that I would be a good employee for anyone, but because I happen to go to a 4 year school, I'm suddenly not worthy of employment. I'm beyond worried that I won't find a job this summer because of this. A paycheck is the only formula to start cutting ties with my parents. I'm getting more annoyed than they are, and they're pretty annoyed I don't have a job. I'm sick of being poor.
Happy Holidays
Texting is actually looking possible, despite the fact that my dad is highly opposed to it. I should be getting some money from my band director for watching her dogs while shes gone, and that amount could be a down lump payment to my dad. Their whole point why they aren't getting it for me is that if they did, I would have nothing to work for or pay off, which makes sense I guess. So, if I pay for it upfront, it must count for something. They also went on about how I act like I'm entitled to everything, that I hate where I come from, and don't appreciate what they do do for me. This is untrue. I've asked for texting because, let's be real, who doesn't have it these days besides the elderly. I don't hate where I come from, I just don't want to live like my parents. And importantly, I do love what they do for me, they are only supportive of everything I do and they couldn't be happier for me. All I want it is the ability to live in 2009, taking part in what has become basic and taken for granted by everybody I know.
I applied at at least 14 places sunday, and I probably will not hear back from any of them. I'm going to call them and just be persistent. I can't be without a job this summer, I took the summer off from drum corps just so I could have one. If none of these look up, I'm going to look into some music camps, which I'd almost rather do. It just doesn't seem fair when my dad points out all the kids that live at home and go the community college that have had steady jobs for a while. Of course they do, they have all the time in the world, which is all the matters to employers. It sucks when I know that I would be a good employee for anyone, but because I happen to go to a 4 year school, I'm suddenly not worthy of employment. I'm beyond worried that I won't find a job this summer because of this. A paycheck is the only formula to start cutting ties with my parents. I'm getting more annoyed than they are, and they're pretty annoyed I don't have a job. I'm sick of being poor.
Happy Holidays
Saturday, December 20, 2008
Grandma
Now that I've been home for a solid day, I'm beginning to feel a little bit of a loss. As most of you probably know, my grandma passed away at about 1:30pm last Friday. And it came with only a little warning. The Tuesday of that week, when I went home to see the elementary concert, my mom told me that my Grandma wasn't doing to well, but I didn't think anything of it. She has been steadily in and out of the hospital for minor things that were never life threatening at all, but I guess this was going to be the last visit.
My phone woke me up at 8am Friday morning. It was my mom telling me that I should probably get home over the weekend because it didn't look there was going to be that much time for her. I was completely taken by surprise that this was even happening, i didn't know how to react: it was the last weekend before finals, and I still had work to do, I couldn't think of a feasable time in which to go home unless it was saturday. I should have left there and then because a few hours later I got the phone call from my dad telling me that she had died. I just wanted to talk to my mom, it was her mom and her last surviving parent. When she got on the phone the both of us just broke down. I was in Andy's room with him and Martine, and they really helped me release. Thank you. I could not believe that this actually happened, and on all days but FordFest. I felt strange that entire day, and didn't really try to show it. It felt so odd to be partaking in anything that wasn't grief. Gladly, it did get my mind of of things.
The next day I drove home in silence (no radio), which is the way I liked it. I cryed for about 5 minutes total throughout the trip, not really enough to get anything out of it. When I got home my family was in a good mood, my aunt and uncle, and cousins were there at the house as well. My mom, her brother, my dad, and I went to the funeral parlor to make arrangements for the service. She has since been cremated and awaiting to be mixed in with my grandpa George's ashes. This just seems so right and perfect and loving and great to me. : )
My mom told me that my grandma kept reiturring that fact that she "just wanted to go be with George." This has been the most comforting thought in getting us all through this. Even I, who has no religious affiliation, believes that they are together again; it may not be heaven or anything, but they are somehow one unit. That's just how it's working in my head. I lived at my grandparent's house when I was young just as much as I did my own house. I just latched on to them like glue, especially my grandma. She was the most generous person I have ever met, yet she didn't have that much to give. She was arguably the best grandma anybody could ever have. She spoiled the crap out of me, there was very little she wouldn't do for me. I remember one time when I was acting up in the shopping cart when I was little, she literally tapped my butt. I felt so betrayed by her, she would never do anything like this to me. I started balling, then my grandma felt so terrible she took me to the toys to calm me down. She was such a push over when i was little, i loved her so much : ) It's such a grandma thing.
Of course as i got older, this wouldn't have really worked. But she was still my biggest advocate. She always made sure i was financially stable whenever i visited her, she thought nothing of it, and I appreciated it so much. She thought the world of my brother and i. She could never be more proud of me after I did the school musical my senior year, my graduation, and all of my drum corps shows in the summer. Having her as a grandmother has truly defined a lot of my life, just as losing her is starting to do now.
My grandma was born and raised in Canadaigua and lived there her entire life. Her, and her little sister, Rebecca, lost their father when my grandma was only 8, so she was basically raised by a single mother. She graduated from Canandaigua Academy in 1956. I guess she would skip class a lot to go smoke in her friend's barn, and look at babies: she never really smoked after she was caught once: Which i find hilarious. I love to think of older people when they were younger, it puts things in perspective for me. Life happens to everybody.
From here, she met my grandpa, married, had my uncle then my mom. My parents did band and colorguard, and she was very active and involved in that with them, so when I did it, she loved it even more. As I knew her, she and my grandpa joined an antique car club which made growing up a lot of fun. We would go on trips with really pretty cars and the old people were a blast. i'll never forget those memories. My grandma surived 3 different types of breast cancer, melanoma, and diabetes, and congestive heart failure throughout her senior years, and she has died twice. She has had constant heath problems, but never really succumbed to any of them. It seemed as if she would always be here. Her and my aunt were like Lucy and Ethel, always getting into stupid embarrasing situations, like running into clothes racks and people with her scooter. I Love Lucy was such a huge thing we always watched when I was at my grandma's. It reminds me of those days whenever I watch it. That, and Scooby Doo!
The final battle came down to kidney failure, and fluid around the heart. Of course, any treatment would make the opposite worse, so there was just no fixing any of this. Her last hours consisted of just being comfortable. She wasn't wearing the oxygen mask, which was making her miserable. I'm so glad it was peaceful. But so angry I wasn't there, and so angry that I haven't been able to let it really sink in. I guess when you've known somebody for your entire life, you never really feel a complete loss when they leave you. They must stay with you. The hard part is knowing that you will never see that person ever again.
All in all, my grandma's passing has more comfort and discomfort associated with it than anything else I've confronted. When my grandpa died, he left my grandma alone in a very big house. it would have been impossible for her to take care of it, so she moved into a senior citizen apartment building. It was easy to see that she was lonely, she lost the love of her life, the father of her children. I really cried for her more than anything, I loved them so much, and they really loved each other. So now its hard to believe that that duo is no longer on earth in any of its parts, but comforting to think that their love can survive death. I sure hope that this is the case, for their sake, for the world's sake, for my sake.
Every Christmas Eve since my grandpa passed away, my grandma has stayed with us because she shouldn't have been alone on Christmas day. My grandpa was always on her mind. She swore that he would leave her dimes and pennies around the apartment, just to let her know that he was there. i always wanted to believe that this was true. Well, this Christmas will feel so empty, yet there are several things and people in my life that keep me going and thinking of life positively. But I'm still human, nothing can prepare you for a death of a close family member. I feel I have the right to feel despair and grief if I need to, as long as i can come out of it (which i will). The funeral will be next saturday in the evening, postponed from Friday the 19th. It's going to be rough.
My phone woke me up at 8am Friday morning. It was my mom telling me that I should probably get home over the weekend because it didn't look there was going to be that much time for her. I was completely taken by surprise that this was even happening, i didn't know how to react: it was the last weekend before finals, and I still had work to do, I couldn't think of a feasable time in which to go home unless it was saturday. I should have left there and then because a few hours later I got the phone call from my dad telling me that she had died. I just wanted to talk to my mom, it was her mom and her last surviving parent. When she got on the phone the both of us just broke down. I was in Andy's room with him and Martine, and they really helped me release. Thank you. I could not believe that this actually happened, and on all days but FordFest. I felt strange that entire day, and didn't really try to show it. It felt so odd to be partaking in anything that wasn't grief. Gladly, it did get my mind of of things.
The next day I drove home in silence (no radio), which is the way I liked it. I cryed for about 5 minutes total throughout the trip, not really enough to get anything out of it. When I got home my family was in a good mood, my aunt and uncle, and cousins were there at the house as well. My mom, her brother, my dad, and I went to the funeral parlor to make arrangements for the service. She has since been cremated and awaiting to be mixed in with my grandpa George's ashes. This just seems so right and perfect and loving and great to me. : )
My mom told me that my grandma kept reiturring that fact that she "just wanted to go be with George." This has been the most comforting thought in getting us all through this. Even I, who has no religious affiliation, believes that they are together again; it may not be heaven or anything, but they are somehow one unit. That's just how it's working in my head. I lived at my grandparent's house when I was young just as much as I did my own house. I just latched on to them like glue, especially my grandma. She was the most generous person I have ever met, yet she didn't have that much to give. She was arguably the best grandma anybody could ever have. She spoiled the crap out of me, there was very little she wouldn't do for me. I remember one time when I was acting up in the shopping cart when I was little, she literally tapped my butt. I felt so betrayed by her, she would never do anything like this to me. I started balling, then my grandma felt so terrible she took me to the toys to calm me down. She was such a push over when i was little, i loved her so much : ) It's such a grandma thing.
Of course as i got older, this wouldn't have really worked. But she was still my biggest advocate. She always made sure i was financially stable whenever i visited her, she thought nothing of it, and I appreciated it so much. She thought the world of my brother and i. She could never be more proud of me after I did the school musical my senior year, my graduation, and all of my drum corps shows in the summer. Having her as a grandmother has truly defined a lot of my life, just as losing her is starting to do now.
My grandma was born and raised in Canadaigua and lived there her entire life. Her, and her little sister, Rebecca, lost their father when my grandma was only 8, so she was basically raised by a single mother. She graduated from Canandaigua Academy in 1956. I guess she would skip class a lot to go smoke in her friend's barn, and look at babies: she never really smoked after she was caught once: Which i find hilarious. I love to think of older people when they were younger, it puts things in perspective for me. Life happens to everybody.
From here, she met my grandpa, married, had my uncle then my mom. My parents did band and colorguard, and she was very active and involved in that with them, so when I did it, she loved it even more. As I knew her, she and my grandpa joined an antique car club which made growing up a lot of fun. We would go on trips with really pretty cars and the old people were a blast. i'll never forget those memories. My grandma surived 3 different types of breast cancer, melanoma, and diabetes, and congestive heart failure throughout her senior years, and she has died twice. She has had constant heath problems, but never really succumbed to any of them. It seemed as if she would always be here. Her and my aunt were like Lucy and Ethel, always getting into stupid embarrasing situations, like running into clothes racks and people with her scooter. I Love Lucy was such a huge thing we always watched when I was at my grandma's. It reminds me of those days whenever I watch it. That, and Scooby Doo!
The final battle came down to kidney failure, and fluid around the heart. Of course, any treatment would make the opposite worse, so there was just no fixing any of this. Her last hours consisted of just being comfortable. She wasn't wearing the oxygen mask, which was making her miserable. I'm so glad it was peaceful. But so angry I wasn't there, and so angry that I haven't been able to let it really sink in. I guess when you've known somebody for your entire life, you never really feel a complete loss when they leave you. They must stay with you. The hard part is knowing that you will never see that person ever again.
All in all, my grandma's passing has more comfort and discomfort associated with it than anything else I've confronted. When my grandpa died, he left my grandma alone in a very big house. it would have been impossible for her to take care of it, so she moved into a senior citizen apartment building. It was easy to see that she was lonely, she lost the love of her life, the father of her children. I really cried for her more than anything, I loved them so much, and they really loved each other. So now its hard to believe that that duo is no longer on earth in any of its parts, but comforting to think that their love can survive death. I sure hope that this is the case, for their sake, for the world's sake, for my sake.
Every Christmas Eve since my grandpa passed away, my grandma has stayed with us because she shouldn't have been alone on Christmas day. My grandpa was always on her mind. She swore that he would leave her dimes and pennies around the apartment, just to let her know that he was there. i always wanted to believe that this was true. Well, this Christmas will feel so empty, yet there are several things and people in my life that keep me going and thinking of life positively. But I'm still human, nothing can prepare you for a death of a close family member. I feel I have the right to feel despair and grief if I need to, as long as i can come out of it (which i will). The funeral will be next saturday in the evening, postponed from Friday the 19th. It's going to be rough.
A LOOOOOONG 4 WEEKS
I hate how this blog is just turning into my occasional rants about how I hate being in my house and how I'm in a technological dark age, but it feels too good. lol. Let me start by saying that I love my parents. I can see and feel that they love and care for me. I want to get mad at them for trivial material things, but I just can't. And it still makes me angry and frustrated! For example!
I didn't get a phone until my senior year, and I was lucky to get one by then. My parents, especially my dad, think that if it is not a necessity to them, it isn't for me and my brother. And the thing is, they both need cellphones! My mom has one, but my dad really needs one. Even the old guys at the shop he works at have phones. He needs to sit at home by our land line to wait for him to get called in to work, and he has missed several phone calls because of being outside and whatever. Its frustrating to see that he cant just do something convenient for once.
Here is the latest subject. It seems like such a waste to be angry about, considering people are a whole lot worse off than i am, but I don't have texting and wont have texting for quite sometime. Everytime I see you guys text I get pretty agitated. I want to be able to a partake in something that is such a commonality in our age group, but no, I am not allowed to. It isn't a god damn luxury anymore! And to top it all off, my mom has texting. WTF. How does this even make sense?
I am typing this on a dial up internet connection, and the worst kind of dial up to boot. I can't understand why my parents can't update their lives like the rest of the effing world. If this makes me needy, then I guess I'm needy for wanting what everybody else I know takes for granted. And at the same time that I'm writing this, I feel so guilty for sounding so superficial and materialistic. I guess I should be lucky to have a home to live in; some people dont ven have that. The whole situation makes me feel like shit 1) because it really isnt a big deal 2) anybody that tells me that it isn't a big deal will have texting, high speed internet, and other modern commodities that are no longer considered a luxury item.
The big issue I have with all of this is that I feel cut off. I don't know of anybody my age who doesn't have what seems like standard possessions. Believe me, I know that a person is not judged by thier possessions, but it would sure would be nice to meet a little bit of the status quo. I feel like I shouldn't post such a "woe is me" type thing, but I just hope you don't take what you have for granted, no matter meaningless these things are. I don't want to insinuate that you should feel sorry for me, just listen to my pathetic vent. That's all the intent really is, a personal journal just wont do the trick for me : )
can't wait to see everybody again. : )
I didn't get a phone until my senior year, and I was lucky to get one by then. My parents, especially my dad, think that if it is not a necessity to them, it isn't for me and my brother. And the thing is, they both need cellphones! My mom has one, but my dad really needs one. Even the old guys at the shop he works at have phones. He needs to sit at home by our land line to wait for him to get called in to work, and he has missed several phone calls because of being outside and whatever. Its frustrating to see that he cant just do something convenient for once.
Here is the latest subject. It seems like such a waste to be angry about, considering people are a whole lot worse off than i am, but I don't have texting and wont have texting for quite sometime. Everytime I see you guys text I get pretty agitated. I want to be able to a partake in something that is such a commonality in our age group, but no, I am not allowed to. It isn't a god damn luxury anymore! And to top it all off, my mom has texting. WTF. How does this even make sense?
I am typing this on a dial up internet connection, and the worst kind of dial up to boot. I can't understand why my parents can't update their lives like the rest of the effing world. If this makes me needy, then I guess I'm needy for wanting what everybody else I know takes for granted. And at the same time that I'm writing this, I feel so guilty for sounding so superficial and materialistic. I guess I should be lucky to have a home to live in; some people dont ven have that. The whole situation makes me feel like shit 1) because it really isnt a big deal 2) anybody that tells me that it isn't a big deal will have texting, high speed internet, and other modern commodities that are no longer considered a luxury item.
The big issue I have with all of this is that I feel cut off. I don't know of anybody my age who doesn't have what seems like standard possessions. Believe me, I know that a person is not judged by thier possessions, but it would sure would be nice to meet a little bit of the status quo. I feel like I shouldn't post such a "woe is me" type thing, but I just hope you don't take what you have for granted, no matter meaningless these things are. I don't want to insinuate that you should feel sorry for me, just listen to my pathetic vent. That's all the intent really is, a personal journal just wont do the trick for me : )
can't wait to see everybody again. : )
Friday, November 28, 2008
Black Friday
The day began at 5am instead of 3am---thank god. Me, my brother, and my mom were in Walmart by 6:20am and it was quite packed. We heard over the loud speaker: "Will the lady who witnessed the altercation in the cleaning isle please report to the customer service desk!" as soon as we walked in. I guess there was an ambulance outside at one point too, all before we even got there. There sure is nothing like the Christmas spirit!
After this we went to JC Penny's to buy me a suit. They had only 2 jackets to pick from and they both sucked, so we decided to go to the mall to find one. I was told, by my dad, that I was under a strict budget of $80. In fact, I wasn't to spend anything close the $80. Yeah....that wasn't going to get me anywhere. So we found a suit that came out to just over $100, and that was cheap because it was marked down from $200. I can't for my dad to ask me how much it cost me, honestly. He has no idea what things like this cost, and no idea of how important it is for me to actually have a suit. He maybe uses his once a year, if that. I'm glad my mom understands, she finally convinced my dad to pay for my books until I can comfortably pay for them myself, not wipe out my checking account (which they did this year).
Before I digress: I'm really freaking poor. I have no money on my person. Luckily my mom can cover for my lack of a job. My point is that I can't afford everything we decide to go and do, and the last thing I want to do is not go and do these things. So as of now, I will not except any money from you guys. I simply cannot afford to pay you guys back. I still owe my dad money for my car insurance and whatever else he decides I owe him. Therefore, whenever I can actually have money, I need to give it all away again. Then I'm back to having no money, and to many things to pay for. Yesterday I got $50 bucks from my aunt and uncle in a very very late birthday card. I'm now left with $30 after gas and my Secret Santa gift. I want to make this stretch as much as possible, so guys, please bare with me, at least until I find a job. I'm not marching Statesmen this summer for this specific reason--I can't afford anything.
Now I digress:
I bought my Secret Santa gift. Whoever it is should like it. Thank my aunt and uncle.
Then I went home and drank eggnog. The end.
After this we went to JC Penny's to buy me a suit. They had only 2 jackets to pick from and they both sucked, so we decided to go to the mall to find one. I was told, by my dad, that I was under a strict budget of $80. In fact, I wasn't to spend anything close the $80. Yeah....that wasn't going to get me anywhere. So we found a suit that came out to just over $100, and that was cheap because it was marked down from $200. I can't for my dad to ask me how much it cost me, honestly. He has no idea what things like this cost, and no idea of how important it is for me to actually have a suit. He maybe uses his once a year, if that. I'm glad my mom understands, she finally convinced my dad to pay for my books until I can comfortably pay for them myself, not wipe out my checking account (which they did this year).
Before I digress: I'm really freaking poor. I have no money on my person. Luckily my mom can cover for my lack of a job. My point is that I can't afford everything we decide to go and do, and the last thing I want to do is not go and do these things. So as of now, I will not except any money from you guys. I simply cannot afford to pay you guys back. I still owe my dad money for my car insurance and whatever else he decides I owe him. Therefore, whenever I can actually have money, I need to give it all away again. Then I'm back to having no money, and to many things to pay for. Yesterday I got $50 bucks from my aunt and uncle in a very very late birthday card. I'm now left with $30 after gas and my Secret Santa gift. I want to make this stretch as much as possible, so guys, please bare with me, at least until I find a job. I'm not marching Statesmen this summer for this specific reason--I can't afford anything.
Now I digress:
I bought my Secret Santa gift. Whoever it is should like it. Thank my aunt and uncle.
Then I went home and drank eggnog. The end.
Thursday, November 27, 2008
Thanksgivings Day Revolution
Andy is lending me Kurt Vonnegut's "A Man Without a Country," and I love it. It isn't making me think in new directions, but it perfectly highlights everything I think about anyway. It allows me to think critically and be analytical
However, just sitting and the dinner table today, with tons of thoughts running through my head, I realized: Wow, I'm a pretty negative person, and I have so much to be thankful for. You guys are the best friends I've ever had. I just think back to a year ago, and I really had no close friends at school. The "friends" I did have effing ditched me around October, leaving me with NOBODY to hang out with. Although I didn't want to, I latched on to Lauren. It's not like Lauren was an absolute bitch and I hated being around her. We mutaully agreed to go and find friends on our own, so this seemed to be a huge renig on my part. But, lo and behold, our friend groups crossed and we all know the rest. I was thankful for Lauren, today. And everybody else : )
Anyway, the point of what I'm saying is that I need to think more positively. I can't fix everything or be an advocate for everything. Of course i dont encourage anyone to sit around and let injusitices take care of themselves--I just wish people could stop thinking critically of everything because in the end, you may perhaps make things seem worse in your head. I have never been so happy in my life. Why should I dwell on everything thats going to suck in the future? The direction of my life is right on course to where I want it to be, thanks to my best friends. I can't wait to see everybody.
However, just sitting and the dinner table today, with tons of thoughts running through my head, I realized: Wow, I'm a pretty negative person, and I have so much to be thankful for. You guys are the best friends I've ever had. I just think back to a year ago, and I really had no close friends at school. The "friends" I did have effing ditched me around October, leaving me with NOBODY to hang out with. Although I didn't want to, I latched on to Lauren. It's not like Lauren was an absolute bitch and I hated being around her. We mutaully agreed to go and find friends on our own, so this seemed to be a huge renig on my part. But, lo and behold, our friend groups crossed and we all know the rest. I was thankful for Lauren, today. And everybody else : )
Anyway, the point of what I'm saying is that I need to think more positively. I can't fix everything or be an advocate for everything. Of course i dont encourage anyone to sit around and let injusitices take care of themselves--I just wish people could stop thinking critically of everything because in the end, you may perhaps make things seem worse in your head. I have never been so happy in my life. Why should I dwell on everything thats going to suck in the future? The direction of my life is right on course to where I want it to be, thanks to my best friends. I can't wait to see everybody.
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
My House
Let's just talk about how absolutely freezing it is in my house. The only thing we have heating the entire place is a coal stove in my living room. The pipe "must" be kept at 100 degrees, so the air coming out of it is making the house average at around 64 degrees--too cold for the time of year when you want to be cozy and warm. Then upstairs is even colder. My room has to be in the 50's! I can't wait to get into my warm bed at school, honestly.
I have a blog now?
So, I'm feeling the pressure to start yet another useless internet endeavor. This will be among the 5 websites I visit in this order: Facebook, Email, Blog, Failblog, YouTube. I'll never get work done.
I'm starting this blog at such a strange time. I should discuss so much, but I just won't. I don't think I believe in writing all my woes and feelings into a public place. But, I will say some things.
I like where I am in life. I've made my best friends within a few short months, but it seems like it has been so much longer. I'll close with one of my favorite quotes:
"Kite-flying is a double-edged experience, at once liberating and a reminder of your earthbound nature. The kite is a part of you and yet not a part of you, it is like having your soul on a long string tugging at you, attached to your body and yet with a life of its own. The temptation, of course, is to let go."-James Robertson, "The Testament of Gideon Mack"
I'm starting this blog at such a strange time. I should discuss so much, but I just won't. I don't think I believe in writing all my woes and feelings into a public place. But, I will say some things.
I like where I am in life. I've made my best friends within a few short months, but it seems like it has been so much longer. I'll close with one of my favorite quotes:
"Kite-flying is a double-edged experience, at once liberating and a reminder of your earthbound nature. The kite is a part of you and yet not a part of you, it is like having your soul on a long string tugging at you, attached to your body and yet with a life of its own. The temptation, of course, is to let go."-James Robertson, "The Testament of Gideon Mack"
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