Life and Death....

So, the biggest event of the day was, of course, my Grandma's funeral. I really don't know how or where to begin my comment on this, but I first should mention how I really love my family and my extended family. It just sucks that I only get to see them under these circumstances.

I went into the parlor an hour before the services began to set up the picture board and take care of the legalities. My aunt and uncle had just gotten there (my grandma's sister Becky) and Reverend Kennedy was there as well. Reverend Kennedy used to walk by my old house and he would always have a treat for my dog, just to show the kind of man he is. He teaches and FLCC and my mom had a psychology course with him. I'm so glad that he once the one doing the service, he did my grandpa's too.

In times like these, when I lose a loved one, I like to examine how that person touched other peoples lives besides mine, to what degree of a loss they were to other people. I saw her three best friends approach the board her pictures were on, and a sudden wash of understanding came over me: How short life is, but how long it really feels. There are pictures on the board from when she was a baby, child, high schooler, at her wedding, at my parents' wedding, and with my grandpa in her older years. It was even really cool to see the evolution of photography, from black and white to today. My grandma had experienced and seen so much over seventy years of life. I thought of the people she met, and the friendships she created. I loved seeing her friends and thinking of how they were once at the same stage of life I'm at, and this would have only been recorded in black and white photographs! So much time passes over a course of a lifetime, I still cannot comprehend how much we grow and experience. Althought I don't think I adequately described this feeling, I think you get the idea.

During the service, Mr. Kennedy often referred to my Grandma and Grandpa together, how my Grandpa left my Grandma lonely for 6 years, yet he was still her strength. In fact, where God would usually assume the role of protecter, he replaced him with my Grandfather, which was really comforting to percieve. My grandparents' combined ashes were placed on the table directly infront of me. I loved the beauty of it: they're closer than they have ever been, fused in eternal rest.

He also discussed the role of the mother, and what they mean to all of us. This is where my mom started to tear up pretty heavily, I soon followed. She had lost the person that introduced her to the world, her friend and guide. I hate to see a person lose somebody of such importance, especially my mom. I often looked to my mom and my aunt, to try and link into what they were feeling. I found myself tearing up for everyone else, not myself. If you were there, you would understand that such a huge part of everybody's lives was now missing, that people had finally taken the step to experience the death of a sister, friend, mother, niece, and grandmother.

It took to this part of the entry to finally tear up, so I think I let it come to a natural close. Nobody will be able to replace the place in my heart reserved for my grandmother. My life has been changed and guided by her presence, and I am truly thankful for that. I am also thankful for having such great friends that will take the time to let me talk about this. Where there could be a void, I'm filling that with my love for them. If it were not for you, It would have been such a painful ordeal, but you show me that there is so much happiness in joy in my life. I have grieved and will grieve when the time is right, but life will continue the same way my grandma's did---full of love.

I love you, Grandma. Thanks for being proud of me. I will always keep you with me.